flokkaThink

Guest author: Tim Roberts

I remember running a leadership workshop on values. I wrote on the whiteboard: -

“If I tell you something I am aware of I am telling you the truth.
If I tell you something contrary to my awareness I am lying.
If I don’t tell you something I am aware of I am withholding.”
Will Schutz

 A man said “Yes but you can’t tell the truth to everyone all the time can you?” A woman said, “I heard somewhere that we have to lie several times a day to prevent being alienated socially.”

We explored how leaders must hold the truth as a precious commodity. Yet every leader in that group admitted bending the truth or withholding information regularly. Amazingly, every leader also expected 100 percent truthfulness from their reports, even if that truth was not what the report thought the leader wanted to hear.

I was struck by the hypocrisy and asked, “What are you modelling that those around you are emulating?” Silence filled the room. One of the most powerful effects of leadership is to set up conscious and unconscious behaviour copying.

During our dialogue, it became clear that leaders can’t function without honest communication. Yet, they all lied and withheld information regularly. Historian Arnold Toynbee claimed that despite technical development our moral and spiritual capabilities have undergone a wilful sterilization.

I probed further. Some of the motivation for not telling the truth was that leaders didn’t want attract disapproval or to be thought of as reactionary or negative. This sounds convincing doesn’t it? Or is it a veneer of excuses to hide a failure of leadership?

One woman said sometimes she was fearful of truth telling and didn’t know how to manage the fear. Another said that truth telling sometimes took too long! She was asked how long it took to rebuild her reputation and had no answer.

Personally, I think that these reasons are not good enough. Roshi Susan Murphy sums it up: 

“[As our awareness grows]…it becomes more difficult to fudge things. Even to tell a non-harming but self-protective white lie just feels less acceptable, even when you assure yourself it is purely to protect the feelings of the other. When you really look closely, any lie offers some measure of injustice to the other and is a breach in connectedness; and a withdrawal of trust, for you are unilaterally deciding that the other is not wholly to be trusted with what you know is really so. A lie of any colour sidesteps the present moment and what is actually happening by substituting a greater or smaller contrivance of reality that we secretly hope will ease our way, or help us get what we want. Could what is true to experience, presented in the way of least harm, actually be simpler, more interesting, and eminently worth risking?”

The outcome of the workshop was shocking. All committed to seeking the truth, making the conditions right for others to tell the truth to them safely, and speaking the truth in ways that cause least harm. They agreed to pursue integrity above and beyond all other qualities. 

Why is this shocking? Because if we all did likewise we would be radically different people and better leaders! 

© 2008 Tim Roberts

About Tim Roberts:

I am here to gently stretch you and your teams and to invite you to safely step into those tough conversations that make the difference between good leadership and transformative leadership. If you want to be the best you can be self-awareness is not optional. Contact Tim at: Tim@TimRobertsLtd.co.nz